kyliedawn

So you've found this. Congratulations. Quite possibly the most vague, incomprehensible journal you may ever read. Or not- depending on how you interpret it. Either way, not many people know of this journals existance so consider yourself special. Or something.

Out with the old and in with the new. That cutenewfeeling makes me oh so happyyyy!

In other news, I'm absolutely useless at doing anything constructive during reading week.

I can't deal with 'someday'.

But I also can't deal with being someones "just a bit" or "there when I need them". So I suppose I'll have to go with the former.

Thank god for sublimation.

I don't have feelings, I'm a robot.

Tired of the typical; Waiting on the wonderful.

I removed all reminiscence of you from my life and it feels great. I realized today that I haven't thought of you in months. Not to imply that I thought of you today, but I just remembered. I am so much happier with my new arrangements and endeavors.

Oh god. My very small and kylie sized heart is breaking.

This summer has been interesting, for lack of better words. However I still wish, more than anything, that I could go back in time to last summer. A proper summer. I should be psyching myself up for the best nonstop week of my life. It should be like this; Crazywonderfulfantastic week of getting your all of your lasts in. All those routines you have grown to love, and all the lasts of them. The best night of the year- last night on camp where everything is a good idea. Past years? Burning a couch, getting chased by an angry farmer in his truck, seeking refuge in an abandoned haunted dance hall complete with creepy grande piano, old advertisements from the thirties and a roof you can climb in. 123 flashlights off, and the like. Not to mention playing hit the ditch on the ringroad and highway. Sneaking on private property to jump on a trampoline and look at the stars and nearly getting busted. Banquet, where you try your hardest not to cry your eyes out at the last slideshow of all your favorites- moments, people and places. Afterparty, where the rowdiest people you know get the rowdiest you've ever seen them. A night to remember, to say the least. And of course, the obligatory refusing to let go of camp and continuing the party well into the week. The reluctant realization that you must get on with your year and start school. That's how it should be.

Instead I am sitting here. Completely bored. Not a thing to do but my summer homework, which I have gladly taken on- being so fucking bored out of my skull and all.

I never thought I'd just say this, but hurry up and get cold out. At least that way it won't kill me knowing that I should be there, not here.

This has been the longest summer ever. Aside from the literal aspect of that sentence, it just feels like it has been soso long. I should be glad I have a "summer off" and enjoy it. But I can't. All I think about is all that I'm missing. Where are the worn out weeks and the rowdy weekends? And all the lovely little inside jokes and countless memories?

That is what I want. Not this. It did not take me very long to realize this at all.

I am so unbelievably bored with waiting for others. I just want to get up and go. I want to be with people who can go anywhere, anytime with anyone and be pleased. I'm sick of 'we need to wait for this person' and 'so and so will be late'. I understand the carefree, go with the flow mindset everyone is so desperate to replicate... but lose the apathy already. I have a life I'd really like to start living sometime soon as well, you know.

Tattoo dayyy is August 26th. Yes yes yes.